Team Communication Exercise: Awareness for Active Listening

How Important is Listening…Really?

If you have ever taken a communications course, chances are that you were taught speaking skills. In fact, one of the most influential, popular and powerful media tools for communicating is the TEDTalk. These strategically crafted speeches use emotional stories, compelling data, few visual aids and a time constraint of no more than 18 minutes as the framework for effective communication. This is clearly an indication that communication is seen as synonymous with speaking. Ultimately, this practice presupposes that if we are able to speak clearly, confidently, concisely and with command of our ideas, then the listener will have to understand us…right? Right? Well, maybe not.

How long have you been speaking clearly, confidently, concisely and with command (don’t worry if you haven’t, but pretend that you have), yet it seems like people still don’t understand you? Well, maybe, just maybe, unlike that bad excuse your friend used to break-up with her high school boyfriend, it’s not you, it’s THEM. Really, it’s them, but self-help authors, gurus and experts are insisting that it’s you.

I will submit and alternative viewpoint acknowledging that people are INTERPRETIVE BEINGS and not INFORMATION RECEIVERS. That is to say:

PEOPLE DON’T JUST HEAR WHAT YOU SAY. PEOPLE INTERPRET WHAT THEY HEAR.

If this is the case, then perhaps it’s time that we revisit the topic of communication by filtering it through emotional intelligence, particularly social awareness and relationship management in hopes of giving listening a prominent role, if not the primary role in communication.

Here is the compelling question: What is more important in communication, speaking or listening?

If the answer is listening, then we’re going to need to promote listening in the communication model, not as a passive activity, but as a central and dynamic activity. We must accept that listening is a powerful role to assume in communication.

EXERCISE
The purpose of this exercise is to help the participants notice how they are listening to one another and to become aware of how they’re listening to themselves as others are speaking.

This exercise will happen in two (2) phases and two (2) rounds.

Phase 1
Round 1
Please have the participants get into groups of 2 people.
Person 1 will be the Speaker
Person 2 will be the Listener

Round 2
Please have Person 1 and Person 2 switch roles
Person 1 will be the Listener
Person 2 will be the Speaker

Note:
Large Groups (Create teams of 3)
Person 3 will be the Observer.

Have the participants answer 5 questions and only share what they are comfortable with:
Where did you grow up?
How many siblings do you have and where do you fall in the order from youngest to oldest?
What was the most difficult challenge in your childhood?
What was the most joyful childhood memory?
What are you most looking forward to this year?

Phase 2
Change the persons in the group so that each group is new (if possible). They are going to repeat the exercise by answer the same 5 questions. However, you will give instructions to the Listeners that now they must share the story that is shared with them with the entire group, in the presence of the person who shared the story.

Round 1
Person 1 will be the Speaker
Person 2 will be the Listener

Round 2
Have Person 1 and Person 2 switch roles
Person 1 will be the Listener
Person 2 will be the Speaker

Note:
Large Groups (Create teams of 3)
Person 3 will be the Observer.

EXERCISE DEBRIEF
Have the group share their responses to the following questions:
What did you notice about how you listened to the person the 2nd time?
What adjustments did you make?
What did you become aware of?
What did you NOT become aware of?

IMPORTANT TAKEAWAYS
If we want to improve how we communicate in order to improve our effectiveness for generating agreements and coordinating actions, then we need to actively expand our capacity for listening.
Listening is not passive, it is active. The manner in which we listen to others will produce in other the quality and significance of what and how they speak to us.
The quality of our listening, can produce in the Other, quality of speaking.
Listening validates Speaking. Our manner of listening demonstrates validation of the Other, not only in legitimizing your respect for the person, but also the respect for what the person has to share.
A Hebrew proverb states “He who gives an answer before he hears, It is folly and shame to him.” Proverbs 18:13
Listening will produce a result and generate an outcome…always. You can avoid folly and shame and instead promote wisdom and joy by choosing to exercise active listening.
The participants will gain more knowledge of one another and this may create an opportunity for developing empathy and trust among the participants.