Positivity – Constructive Interaction / Conflict Modes

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI®) tool is the world’s best-selling tool for helping people understand how different conflict-handling styles affect interpersonal and group dynamics—and for empowering them to choose the appropriate style for any situation.

The TKI tool assesses an individual’s typical behavior in conflict situations and describes it along two dimensions: assertiveness and cooperativeness. It provides detailed information about how that individual can effectively use five different conflict-handling modes, or styles.
https://www.cpp.com/products/tki/index.aspx

Purpose:
• Bringing awareness to conflict styles and how they affect everything
• See differences within the team
• None of the modes are right all of the time
• Real time recognition of what mode you are using.
• Normalize conflict and bring the team a common language

Supplies:
• TKI Assessments either pre-done on-line or paper books;
• Conflict modes handout
• For teams part – Index Cards and pens, TKI Mode Cards, tape for floor (optional), easel and paper and 5 different color markers,

Time:
• 60-90 minutes pending team size and debrief

Context:
• This can be part of a very proactive workshop or in response to conflict in a team.

The Exercise:

For the individuals:
1. Start by segueing into a discussion about self-awareness and how we as humans prepare and act in conflict in the same ways much of the time
2. Either in handouts or via slides, describe a little about the process they are about to go through. Just enough to get them excited to learn more.
3. Decide whether or not you are going to have them focus on their behaviors in the team or just let them naturally take it.
4. Handout and allow time for them to complete the TKI assessment. Usually 10-15 minutes is good.
5. Describe the model in more detail, go through the modes.
6. Have them score themselves in the booklets.
7. Go into some details about what the scores mean, who they are being compared to, and any other details that seem appropriate.

8. Debrief it:

a. Does this look like you?
b. Did the scores surprise you?
c. What was it like for you discovering yourself in this way?
d. Are there situations where you can see that your score of ____ may be helpful? Why?
e. Are there situations where your typical behavior _________ may not be helpful? Why?
f. If there is time and interest consider going through some of the Questions to ask areas of their highest and lowest scores
g. If their scores reflect an even mix across all five categories, consider focusing the conversation on how they perceive others and work with various type of conflict handling behaviors.
Lens
h. When you answered the questions were you thinking about work, home, other situations?
i. Does that matter for you?

The Team / Others
j. Where do you think others on your team or in your life score highest/lowest?
k. How is it helpful to know where they may fall in the scoring?
l. How can you practice using different modes than your safe mode?

Moving to a Team Score: If the team is gelled and comfortable this add-on exercise can be powerful. It is revealing of individual scores and so be careful on calling people out and be prepared for the conversation getting real.

1. Ask the team if they would be interested in understanding their team conflict mode. Explain that it will be as revealing as they want it to be. Get all-in before starting.
2. Hand out an index card to every participant. Ask them to write down their most-used and least-used conflict-handling modes on the card, placing a “1” next to the mode on which they scored highest and a “5” next to the mode on which they scored lowest. Then collect the cards.
3. During a break, using a copy of the Scoring Worksheet provided, tally the number of high and low scores and record them in the score sheet. Then sketch bars on the blank bar graph on the bottom of the worksheet so you have a handy record of the results.
4. Redraw the bar chart on flipchart paper, using different colors to indicate the five modes.
5. Note: You may want to draw the framework of the bar graph before the start of the workshop, so that during the break you only need to add the colored bars. After the break, share the scores with the group and discuss any implications using the sample questions below or questions of your own choosing.

Here’s a sample for reference;
(image not available online – see Mark Baril at http://www.resologics.com if you are interested)

Debrief it:
1. Are there any obvious differences?
2. Do you see consensus?
3. To what could you attribute the similarities and/or differences among the group?
4. How do you think environment, job responsibilities, and skills affect the outcome?
5. What benefits could come from the group profile you see here?
6. Are there any pitfalls to this particular group profile?
7. Is there a team normal mode that is being revealed here?

Moving Even Deeper: Having fun and the team seems to be learning? Doesn’t feel like the debrief is quite done yet? Ask permission, get 100% buy-in, and then do the following…

Customize any of the order or variations here to the group and the moment.

1. In an open space in the room, place the five TKI Mode Cards down in their normal grid pattern. Tape the floor off as a grid if you really want to box them in.

2. Ask participants to stand on or near the mode where they would like to spend more time than they currently do when they find THEMSELVES in conflict.
a. Debrief:
i. What does it feel like to be in this new mode.
ii. What are the advantages to you? To the team?
iii. What are the drawbacks for you? For the team?

3. Ask participants to stand on or near the mode where the TEAM currently handles most conflicts
a. Debrief:
i. What does it feel like to be in this mode as a team.
ii. What are the advantages to you? To the team?
iii. What are the drawbacks for you? For the team?
iv. Maybe a little role play would be interesting here….

4. Ask participants to stand on or near a mode or modes where they would like to see THE TEAM spend more time than they currently do.
a. Debrief:
i. What does it feel like to be in this mode.
ii. What are the advantages to you? To the team?
iii. What are the drawbacks for you? For the team?