Constructive Interaction – How to send a clear "stop" message

Telling someone – in particular a fellow team member – to stop a disrespectful behaviour can be challenging and even scary.

Here’s a simple framework you can give to your coachees to help them with this.

Use the B-A-R Method to structure your message. (Behaviour – Affect – Request)

Step 1: Behaviour
Orient the person to the situation that affected you:
– Describe the facts: who, when, where, what.
– Stick to observable terms (what can be heard and seen.) Avoid labelling and interpretive terms that might trigger defensiveness (words such as rude, belittling, arrogant, harassing).

Step 2: Affect
– Describe the impact that the person’s behaviour had on you (e.g. “I was hurt/offended/upset”).
– When relevant, relay factual consequences of the behaviour (e.g. “A fellow team member heard it”).

Step 3: Request
– Describe what you’d like to happen next time – options that might work better.
– When necessary, include a clear and non-negotiable “Stop”.

Source: http://www.sharonebardavid.com`