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Tips and questions about Constructive Interaction on teams:
– What does Constructive Interaction mean on this team? How does the team define “constructive”?– Most teams do not have what are often called “rules of engagement” when there are differences of opinion. Creating those rules of engagement is both a valuable process and a way for teams to enter the vulnerable territory.
– Create norms and agreements around giving and receiving feedback.
– Timing makes a difference. Using specific recent examples can be helpful.
– Explore with the team: What is most helpful – – feedback given in 1-way blurts or 2-way dialogues? How does listening play a part in feedback? From both the giver and receiver?
– Feedback can be positive, too. Frequent giving of positive feedback will build a foundation of goodwill so that constructive feedback can be received more easily. How does this team practice giving positive feedback on a frequent basis?
– There is more than one reason for a lack of conflict on teams. Sometimes conflict or disagreement is avoided out of fear. Sometimes it simply doesn’t exist because the team members operate very independently or because the system is running rather smoothly and the causes might not appear.
– Rather than miss the opportunity to stir things up and see what sorts of creativity might emerge, sometimes set aside regular time for arbitrary contrariness. How might you see that happening on a team? Playful “Post Stirrer”.
Here’s a Ted Talk that gives some good suggestions for learning to have good conflict on your team.
Learning to lean into conflict – with Roger and the Gold Rolex.
Purpose of the exercise:
1. To give the team an opportunity to experience some conflict in a safe and engaging way.
2. To give the team an opportunity to build the healthy conflict muscle by noticing how they tend to interact after the conflict is over and create a system/structure that helps them practice stepping back from the content of a conflict and consider what’s happening in the process of the conversation.Time required:
1 to 1 ½ hour, depending on the size of the team.Facilitation note: In order to make the reactions more real – Don’t tell the group that the goal is to create safe conflict up front. Use the context below as way of explaining the process without giving away the goal.
Set context: As a way of exploring this system and how it operates, We’re going to start with a worksheet that you will read and fill out. Then we’ll ask you to come up with a common set of answers with your sub group. Then we’ll compare the groups common answers with the other groups. The purpose of all this work is to look for patterns/habits in the system.
Facilitation Instructions:
1) Split the team up into a couple smaller groups of 4-6. If the group is smaller than 5 just do it as one group. 2 groups of 3 can work in a pinch but one group of 6 is probably better.
2) Hand out worksheets (see below) for Roger and the Gold Rolex. Ask participants to read and fill it out on their own. (Alternatively this can be done with a flip chart and individuals noting the character names on scratch paper but there will be more questions about who’s/who.
3). Once everyone is finished filling out the worksheet – Tell the group/sub-groups to compare their answers and that they have ten minutes to agree on a common set of answers for the group.
4) Exact timing isn’t as important as increasing the tension a bit with a hard deadline. Teamm the teams how much time they have left every 2-3 minutes or so. If a team is woefully behind – you might give them a short extension. Upping the pressure will heighten the conflict on teams. Feel free to adjust your intensity of the timing stress to the group needs.
5) Observe the interactions and note the behaviors (Toxic and constructive) that tend to show up during this ten minutes. Look for things like: roles taken up, Team toxins, listening and repair bids, extra clarification, shutting down or overwhelmed.
6) After the time is up stop the group and ask them to present their collective answers to the other groups.
7) Ask the group members to then pause and clear the air as needed (get up and move around perhaps?)
8) Ask each individual to answer the following questions on scratch paper (or another worksheet): What thoughts did you have that you did not express? What feelings did you hold back on? What observations did you have about your sub-groups behaviors during the decision making process?
9) have an open discussion about those observations and learnings – for now called “next level” discussion. “Next Level” discussion is simply a step back from the content of a discussion to think about the “process” of our discussion. Ask the group, “How often do you have “next level” discussions normally? What is the value of having them? What holds you back from stepping into that realm?”
10) Ask the group – How can you incorporate “Next Level” discussions in your work as a team? What systems/structures could you put in place that would help you continue to have them?”As A facilitator your goal is to get them looking for ways to have Next level conversations more often
This exercise originated from Jerry Dahl/Strategic Team-Makers Inc. in Golden Valley MN.
Worksheet:
ROGER AND THE GOLD ROLEX
Roger is a thirty-two year old salesman with Johnson & Company, an old, established wholesaler of business equipment. At a recent convention, Roger met Harold, an office equipment supplier who was interested in a line of laser printers worth $300,000. He informed Roger that he would give him the order for the printers in return for a gold Rolex watch worth $4800. Harold showed Roger the watch he wanted in a catalog. Roger said he would see what he could do.
Returning to the office, Roger told Charlotte, his boss, about the proposition and requested permission to purchase the watch in order to get the sale. Charlotte was outraged and said, “This is immoral! It is not decent business practice to take what is clearly a bribe. We are living in a civilized society. If I find out that you have been bribing customers to get orders, you will be fired on the spot! Have I made myself clear?”
After the confrontation with Charlotte, Roger left the office and drove to Arnold’s house. Arnold is a friend and old college roommate who knew him well. Roger explained his plight commenting on Charlotte’s hypocrisy about “decent business practice” when everyone in the office knew that she reported personal expenses to the IRS as legitimate business expenses. “What can I do, Arnold? It is an important order, and there is chance for repeat business; Harold is interested in our line of hard drives and back up systems as well as additional laser printers in the future.”
Arnold thought for a moment and then said, “Roger, why don’t you finance the deal yourself?
Buy the watch and land the contract. With your commission and future business you can easily afford the watch. It would be a good turn of your investment. I wouldn’t even bother to tell
Charlotte. She is old fashioned and has narrow ideas on how business really gets done these days.”Roger left Arnold’s house, sat in his car for a few minutes and thought about the advice he had just received. He then drove straight to the bank, being short of cash up front to purchase the watch.
Mr. White, the bank manager and close friend of Roger’s father, listened to Roger’s reason for wanting the loan of $4800. Despite the fact that Roger’ s checking account was overdrawn and the he didn’t like the idea of the “bribery,” he agreed to grant Roger the loan immediately.The next day Roger went to jewelry store near his office and asked the clerk for the specific Rolex watch requested by Harold. While he was waiting for the clerk to bring him the watch, John, Charlotte’s administrative assistant, came into the store to buy a birthday present for his mother. Unobserved by Roger he watched the clerk give Roger the watch in exchange for $4800 cash. In his astonishment, he forgot about his own errand, rushed back to Johnson & Company, burst into
Charlotte’s office and asked, “How can a salesman who earns $34,000 a year afford a $4800 watch?”Charlotte was furious. She rushed out of her office and found Roger returning from the jewelry store. “ You’re fired!” she shouted.
“Let me explain ……..” gasped Roger.
“ No excuses! I warned you!”
At that moment a fax came through which read as follows: “No longer interested in your laser printer deal. Found alternative supplier. Harold.”
___________________________________________________________________________
Rank each of the people described in the situation above in terms of their Objectionableness to you, from 1 (least objectionable) to 6 (most objectionable).
Roger (Salesman) _______
Harold (Customer) _______
Charlotte (Boss) _______
Arnold (Friend) _______
Mr. White (Banker) _______
John (Admin Assistant) _______
this looks like a great exercise? Ripe with invitation for everyone to fall into an arbiunger box of self jstification. I am going to use this or something like it very soon.;;;Thankj John for the idea!!!!
BTW – as yrou surname is teh same as a rather famous coach I know and love – are you related??I’m glad you’re going to try the exercise Andy – and yes indeed – lots of opportunities for “in the box” discussion recognition and practice. I did it with a small group of three just the other day (we finished the whole exercise in 30 minutes because there was no comparing of answers between groups) and there was some really good discussion about their tendencies and habits when they got “in the box” (defensiveness, stonewalling, assumptions, stepped on values). By the way – I encourage you to write your own “scenario” since each team might have a stronger reaction to a story that hits a little closer to home.
And yes – I’m related to that rather famous coach – he’s my Father’s brother (Uncle). Sometimes its good to be lucky.
Best, John
Activity – The Importance of Emotional Intelligence at Work (for constructive interactions)
– On a flip chart, prepare 3 columns with the following headers: 1) EQ (emotional intelligence), 2) technical intelligence/expertise and, 3) IQ (smarts)
– Make certain everyone understands what emotional intelligence is.
This could be done by simply asking “What is emotional intelligence?”
(answer: emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others)
– Give everyone 2 sticky notes
– Ask everyone to think of a boss – either current or in the past – who had a positive impact on them during their career
– Then ask everyone to think of 2 characteristics that this person possessed and to write down the 2 characteristics on 2 sticky notes – 1 characteristic/sticky note
– ask everyone to come and place each of their sticky notes in the appropriate column (EQ, technical intelligence/expertise or IQ)
– After everyone has placed their 2 sticky notes in the appropriate column, initiate a conversation about the importance of emotional intelligence in the workplace by asking: “What are you noticing?” or “What conclusion do you draw”?
– A relevant quote to use following the discussion comes from the CEO of Lee Vallee Tools who once said: “If you hire someone for what they know, you will fire them for who they are”
– Ask: “How well does this team deal with situations where people get emotional?”
– Ask: “What changes are needed to improve how this team handles emotionally charged situations?”Notes:
• I have done this exercise several times and have yet to see a situation where the EQ column does not have the most votes by far
• another option could be to broaden the question by asking participants to think of someone who had a positive impact on them during their life (best teacher, coach, boss, etc.) – instead of a boss
• The above activity can be adapted very easily. It can be a quick 5-10 minute activity to simply drive home the point of the importance of emotional intelligence at work (with no group discussion). It can also take much longer depending on the amount of time allotted for a group discussion.
• This activity could also be useful as an introductory activity for other positivity elements during ongoing coaching sessions (such as trust and respect).Team Exercise – Turning Negatives into Positives
This exercise was specifically developed with the TCI model and approach in mind. I have prepared this exercise with a focus on constructive interaction. By modifying the section titled “teach piece”, this exercise can easily be adapted to coach the following additional indicators: accountability, decision making, communication, trust, team toxins and optimism.
In addition to team alignment, this exercise also results in the team members identifying performance indicators specifically relevant to their team.
Objectives
•Develop a common understanding of what constructive interaction means to the team
•Develop a team action plan to improve constructive interactionGroup Discussion
Ask: “What are the elements/attributes of constructive interaction?”
Review TCI’s definition of constructive interaction with the team.
(Constructive Interaction: Conflict is seen as an opportunity for discovery, growth and creativity. The team avoids criticizing, defensiveness and finger pointing. We give and receive feedback well.)Ask: “What elements/attributes of constructive interaction are present on this team?”
Ask: “What elements/attributes are currently preventing this team from having more constructive interactions?”
Teach Piece
3 strategies to use to have more constructive interactions:
1) Ask for specifics about general statements
It is very hard to address problems when you do not really know what the real issue is. Asking about specifics improves your chances of addressing the issues by helping to come up with solutions you may not have thought of otherwise.
• For “This will never go through, it will never get done!”, could ask “Which part do you believe has a chance? What would prevent the rest from happening?”
• For “I see them doing it all the time”, could ask “What is it that they do specifically? What would be needed to change how they go about it?”
2) Identify the underlying interestsInstead of focusing on the negative when someone is speaking, try to identify what is truly important to that person. Taking a step back and changing the frame of reference can help reduce the stress of a situation and make it easier to continue a conversation.
• For “If only they would understand how complicated this is and appreciate all the work I have done to make it easier for them. They are not the only ones who are busy!” could respond with “Sounds like you would value some expression of appreciation for the work you have done.”
• For “When I send him my reports, he acknowledges receipt but never talks to me about them!”, could respond with “So when you send him your reports, you would like to know whether he is satisfied with the results or if there is something he would like you to change?”
• For “I’m acting in good faith, but nobody cares!” could respond with “It seems important for you that people know you have integrity.”
• For “We just finished a grueling six-week project where everyone went the extra mile, worked nights and weekends and brought the project in on time and on budget. I can’t believe you are now making another change that will shorten the timelines. Do you think we should be at your beck and call every second of the day!” could respond with “So, what is important to you is to be able to plan your work?”Not everyone perceives situations the same way, interests may very well be different for different people. Therefore, when identifying what you believe is important to the other, keep your response neutral, positive and tentative.
3) Provide direction by asking for what you need
It is easier to effect change by using positive terms (negatives just stop people in their tracks without leading to another/better way)
• instead of “It’s none of your business”, say “Let them handle it”.
• instead of “Don’t ever do that again!”, say “I would really appreciate if you could give me a heads up so that I can be better prepared”.Exercise
1) Ask: “If you had to identify 2 behaviours and/or actions that, if adopted by the team, would be important to demonstrate improved constructive interactions – what would it be?
From … (what is going on today/currently in the team)
To … (what you hope for the team in light of all that was said today)
– How will we know that you are there? What will we see, hear, feel?”(I distribute a worksheet that includes this information with a space for team members to write down their 2 examples.)
2) Ask each individual to present his/her ideas to the team
(write each of the responses on a flip chart / white board)3) Inform the team that all ideas will be kept/recorded and forwarded to them AND
ask each member to vote for the top 2 behaviours and/or actions that they would like to start with when interacting with one another to have more constructive interactions.(I distribute 2 post it notes for everyone to use to vote)
Action Planning
The 1-2 most popular action items (max 3) become the team’s action plan to integrating these behaviours/actions in their daily work to improve constructive interactions.
Ask “How do they intend to put these items in action – try them out?” (what, who, when)
Ask “How will they know if it is working?”
Ask “How will they measure the impact? How will they obtain the feedback to confirm improvements?”
Ask “How does the team want to be accountable to itself while implementing these new behaviours/actions into their daily work?”
The Havard Business Review’s article “How to Pick a Good Fight” (https://hbr.org/2009/12/how-to-pick-a-good-fight) addresses two key questions: 1) Which fights should you take on? and, 2) What is the right way to fight? It includes an assessment tool with “right fight” principles to help determine when to pick a fight in addition to a team exercise with “principles of engagement” to help guide a team when having a difficult conversation.
The team exercise is a “real play activity” that the coach can use/demonstrate during a coaching session and repeated afterwards by the team leader to help the leader create the kind of conflict that can spark the team’s creativity and innovation.
This activity could also be useful during ongoing coaching sessions to coach several other elements (i.e. team leadership, respect, values diversity, communication and trust)
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